After abandoning this blog (and blogging on SAUK instead), it would seem that I am back. In a year and a half, there's been a lot to document, so maybe I should have documented it then, but never mind.
Around this time last year, the Jobcentre put me in touch with Remploy, who were hugely helpful in giving me the skills to find a job - with job search help, interview skills sessions, help writing a CV and more. Not long before that, in late August I think it was, the NHS put me in touch with a therapist. She was really helpful - the sessions were informal and chatty, and I made progress almost without realising it. Just having places to go every week was a big help too - going to therapy, Remploy and Weight Watchers got me out of the house doing things; having a purpose to my days rather than sitting on the computer all day. Leaving the house no longer scares me like it did a couple of years ago.
Thanks to the help I have received, I now, after over 3 years (ack!) of unemployment, have a job. I started at Julian Graves in June, and have been enjoying it. A couple of years ago, back when I was on Prozac and benefits, I remember saying to my then boyfriend (he's now my fiancé) that the thought of getting a job terrified me. Six months ago, getting a job seemed doable but almost out of reach. Now I'm there though, and it's not so scary!
I still have a long way to go though. Walking down the street still makes me feel anxious; hostile towards strangers out of some imagined need to protect myself from them. I also still find it hard to build friendships - being friendly and chatty with workmates and friends I've made through my partner is one thing, but being able to take that next step of suggesting we do things together still eludes me.
In general, I just feel that I need to shake off the fears and negativity and get on. It's hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off:
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