Shake It Out

After abandoning this blog (and blogging on SAUK instead), it would seem that I am back. In a year and a half, there's been a lot to document, so maybe I should have documented it then, but never mind.

Around this time last year, the Jobcentre put me in touch with Remploy, who were hugely helpful in giving me the skills to find a job - with job search help, interview skills sessions, help writing a CV and more. Not long before that, in late August I think it was, the NHS put me in touch with a therapist. She was really helpful - the sessions were informal and chatty, and I made progress almost without realising it. Just having places to go every week was a big help too - going to therapy, Remploy and Weight Watchers got me out of the house doing things; having a purpose to my days rather than sitting on the computer all day. Leaving the house no longer scares me like it did a couple of years ago.

Thanks to the help I have received, I now, after over 3 years (ack!) of unemployment, have a job. I started at Julian Graves in June, and have been enjoying it. A couple of years ago, back when I was on Prozac and benefits, I remember saying to my then boyfriend (he's now my fiancé) that the thought of getting a job terrified me. Six months ago, getting a job seemed doable but almost out of reach. Now I'm there though, and it's not so scary!

I still have a long way to go though. Walking down the street still makes me feel anxious; hostile towards strangers out of some imagined need to protect myself from them. I also still find it hard to build friendships - being friendly and chatty with workmates and friends I've made through my partner is one thing, but being able to take that next step of suggesting we do things together still eludes me.

In general, I just feel that I need to shake off the fears and negativity and get on. It's hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off:

New blog

Hello! If anyone's reading this, you may be interested to know that I've just set up a new blog. The new one will not only document my SA and so on, but also my new venture into the world of weight-loss. So I'm stopping this blog, and starting the new one instead.

Visit me at:
http://the-shrinking-violet.blogspot.com/

I also blog on the SAUK website (though you have to be a member to view blogs):
http://www.social-anxiety-community.org/db/blog.php?u=8744

Snootchie bootchies x

Belonging?

I used to feel like I didn't belong because I had SA, now I'm starting to feel like I belong because I do. This odd thought is something that occurred to me yesterday, thinking about the groups that I'm now a part of, that I wouldn't otherwise have been. I've been going to an SA support group in Brum, every other Saturday, for a few months. I'm a quiet person, and it's quite amusing to find myself being one of the chatty ones! I even managed to read aloud a few lines out of one of my self-help guides yesterday, about making an 'anxiety ladder' of things that scare you, and confronting these one step at a time. (You can find the same Shyness and Social Anxiety self-help guide online here.) I've also recently joined an SA forum called SAUK. I'm starting to make friends, which is something that has been difficult for me for quite a few years, and starting to feel more positive.

However, although I've begun to accept myself as someone with mental health issues, and that acknowledging my problems is the first step towards beating them, I am wary of defining myself as someone with SA and depression, and therefore not challenging my illness. I far too easily avoid things, and blame my perceived inability to do these things on my health, instead of telling myself that I can do it. The answer to this is of course to follow the basic principle behind CBT, i.e. to challenge my negative thoughts, and think "I can" instead of "I can't". Which is easier said than done, but will (hopefully!) one day become automatic. The very fact that I'm starting to make progress is something to be proud of though, another reason to think that I can do it.

A social outcast?

First, I'll say welcome to my blog :)

Second, I'll tell you the inspiration for the blog's name. Being a social outcast was what I feared when I started secondary school at the age of eleven. My then best friend's older sister had told her that if you did sad things such as wearing your hood up, fastening your coat or wearing your backpack on both shoulders, that you would be a social outcast. Which of course is daft, but I took it deadly serious when I was eleven, starting a new school and wanting to make a good impression. I've ended up a social outcast anyway, but I can live with that. And I can put my bag on both shoulders if I like.

Third, I suppose I should say what this blog will be about. After years of shyness, low self-esteem, varying degrees of depression, lack of friends, and isolation, I have finally admitted to myself that I have mental health issues and need some help. The decision to see a doctor about my problems was brought about by a telephone conversation with my sister (much love and thanks to her!) a couple of months ago. I was prescribed Prozac and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This blog will be about my social anxiety, depression, and related conditions, and will hopefully show my progress towards beating these, using medication, therapy, and whatever else I need to do. Hopefully I can also provide something that fellow sufferers can relate to, perhaps even be inspired by.